The Happiness Equation
You should set yourself up for disappointment.
Did you know there’s an equation to happiness?
Happiness = reality - expectations
When reality exceeds your expectations, happiness.
When reality falls short of your expectations, disappointment.
Take a second.
Decide how you feel about that.
I used to believe that happiness = reality - expectations.
But there are a couple of problems with that equation.
We’re solving for happiness. And to get there, we have two variables — reality and expectations.
But reality is a tough lever to yank. You can tweak your reality through choices, effort, and actions, but no one can fully manipulate reality.
So that leaves expectations.
If the happiness equation is real, then it’s simple. All you have to do to be happy is lower your expectations.
If you have low expectations, you’ll never be disappointed. In fact, you’ll always find yourself pleasantly surprised.
Right?
Here’s where the equation falls apart.
On paper, it works.
If you constantly nuke your expectations, reality will exceed them.
If reality exceeds your expectations, you’re never let down.
If you’re never let down, you’re generally happy.
But think about that in practice.
If you constantly nuke your expectations, you’ll set a new baseline for your outlook on life. You’ll never expect anything. You’ll stop feeling anticipation. You’ll fill yourself with thunderclouds in hopes that the sun will surprise you by peaking through, but you’ll soon realize a few minutes of warmth will do nothing to dry out the persistent dampness of low expectations.
You can’t expect to achieve happiness through low expectations because expectations themselves are a source of happiness.
Think about your last vacation. Wasn’t half the fun of it in the planning? In the anticipation? In talking about it with your friends and family weeks before it got here?
You expected it to be great. And even if the reality let you down, those expectations brought you joy.
What about your goals in life?
Whether your goals are about your family or your career or your hobby, having high expectations will influence your pursuit of those goals. And when you expect great things to happen, you’ll find joy in that pursuit. You’ll daydream, you’ll visualize, you’ll hope. And in those moments propelled by expectations, you’ll find happiness and fulfillment, even if reality ends up falling short.
How else are you supposed to grow?
How else are you supposed to improve?
How else are you supposed to push yourself?
And without those things, how are you supposed to be happy?
So, no, you shouldn’t manage your expectations.
You should let them run wild. You should set yourself up for disappointment. You should expect to accomplish things far greater than you can achieve, because falling short will have brought you more collective joy and growth than exceeding mediocre expectations ever would have.
The reality about the equation to happiness?
There is none.
There is you and there is now.
And you should expect great things from both of those.
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Did you know there’s an equation to happiness?
Happiness = reality - expectations
When reality exceeds your expectations, happiness.
When reality falls short of your expectations, disappointment.
Take a second.
Decide how you feel about that.
I used to believe that happiness = reality - expectations.
But there are a couple of problems with that equation.
We’re solving for happiness. And to get there, we have two variables — reality and expectations.
But reality is a tough lever to yank. We can influence the outcomes of our lives, but only to an extent. If you sliced open the “reality” variable, a few million more variables would come tumbling out — and you can’t control most of them.
You can tweak your reality through choices, effort, and actions, but no one can fully manipulate reality.
So that leaves expectations.
If the happiness equation is real, then this one is simple. All you have to do to be happy is lower your expectations.
If you have low expectations, you’ll never be disappointed. In fact, you’ll always find yourself pleasantly surprised.
Right?
Here’s where the equation falls apart.
On paper, it works.
If you constantly nuke your expectations, reality will exceed them.
If reality exceeds your expectations, you’re never let down.
If you’re never let down, you’re generally happy.
But think about that in practice.
If you constantly nuke your expectations, you’ll set a new baseline for your outlook on life. You’ll never expect anything. You’ll stop feeling anticipation. You’ll fill yourself with thunderclouds in hopes that the sun will surprise you by peaking through, but you’ll soon realize a few minutes of warmth will do nothing to dry out the persistent dampness of low expectations.
You can’t expect to achieve happiness through low expectations because expectations themselves are a source of happiness.
Think about your last vacation. Wasn’t half the fun of it in the planning? In the anticipation? In talking about it with your friends and family weeks before it got here?
You expected it to be great. And even if the reality let you down, those expectations brought you joy.
What about your goals in life?
Whether your goals are about your family or your career or your hobby, having high expectations will influence your pursuit of those goals. When you expect great things to happen, you’ll find joy in that pursuit. You’ll daydream, you’ll visualize, you’ll hope. And in those moments propelled by expectations, you’ll find happiness and fulfillment, even if reality ends up falling short.
How else are you supposed to grow?
How else are you supposed to improve?
How else are you supposed to push yourself?
And without those things, how are you going to be happy?
So, no, you shouldn’t manage your expectations.
You should let them run wild. You should set yourself up for disappointment. You should expect to accomplish things far greater than you can achieve, because falling short will have brought you more collective joy and growth than exceeding mediocre expectations ever would have.
The reality about the equation to happiness?
There is none.
There is you and there is now.
And you should expect great things from both of those.